I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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