Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize