Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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