I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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