his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
