I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
