Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize