listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
