dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
