Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
