you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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