My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
