my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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