ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
