You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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