i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
