Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
