I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
