You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
