I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
