Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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