It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
