dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
