I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
