Do you still have your period?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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