Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
