I have demons in me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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