Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
