dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
