He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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