no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
