God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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