Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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