insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
