Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
