I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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