His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Text me some of your sweat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
