Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
