I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
