yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
