Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Man, jail baloney is awful.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
