Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
