the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we should paint friendship bongs
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
