I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Send help, water and tortillas.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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