someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she smelled like a LAN party
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
