remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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