420 ftw
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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