I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
