Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
