Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
