i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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