Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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