maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We are two peas in an std pod
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
