Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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