ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
