you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
