Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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