I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
