Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
