I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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