I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Two words: nipple clamps
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