I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
