My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
honey bunches of taint.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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