If i come over, it means nothing
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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