It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
