; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
