I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
