If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
