So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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