I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
