We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
