the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
