Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
